Making lemonade #2

Platform plonkers

Have you taken a tube in London? Typically the platforms are approximately 4 meters wide, pretty narrow and they get really busy. BUT rather than everyone being patient and understanding, it seems to make people behave like morons.

There are 3 types of people that grate me:

1 - The Wanderer or The Wonderer - (both are the correct spelling)
This is the person who, during peak hour can not walk in a straight line, nor at a reasonable speed, nor can they decide where along the platform they want to stand.
Commuters are a little like zombies, for the most part, people take EXACTLY the same route in the mornings, stand in EXACTLY the same spot along the platform to get EXACTLY the same carriage - which is usually coordinated with the exit at your destination station. So, when you get down to your platform, anything that gets between you and your "spot" is an irritation. Also, they somehow manage to take up so much space that it's difficult to get past them. COME ON PEOPLES - there are places we need to be, have a coffee before you leave the house for God sake, the Tube is not a place to spend your time waking up.

2 - Mr - I'm standing out of the way but have to be first on the train
This is the brain surgeon who stands back near the wall, not quite against the wall, but just close enough so that you cannot get behind them. Then as the train draws near, they cut accross in front of anyone moving along the platform to get on the train first. COME ON PEOPLES - there are places we need to be, if you are in such a hurry, stand near the platform edge but get the hell out of my way.

3 - The Precipice Walker
This is the person who when you are standing at the yellow line (approximately 35 cms from the edge) with loads of space behind you, insists on walking in front of you. For some reason they are always men. It's scary enough standing that close to an incoming train, I do not need the stress of worrying that one false move on my behalf will result in them falling onto the live lines, or in front of a train. WHY, WHY, WHY!!! WHAT IS THE LOGIC?
The tube delay announcers haves this lovely polite way of saying that someone has died on the tracks -
We appologise for the delay to your journey, the XXX line is currently suspended due to a "person under the train" at XX station. How terribly inconvient to ones journey home.
Whenever I hear this, I can't help thinking that a Precipice Walker has collided with a copy of the Evening Standard and come of second best.

I'm beginning to think that people are stupid. It would be easier (but possibly not as funny) to commute among a pack of monkeys.

Anna